twenty-seven.

I'm sorry for disappearing on everyone like I did. I've been going through a lot of shit lately. Not the least of which has been freaking ballooning back up to 120 pounds. I've been stuffing my face like it's going out of style. Even today, which I told myself would be my return to restriction, I ate a can of Chef Boyardee, three mini dessert cakes with strawberries and whipped cream, and BF and I split a half pound of American cheese. My eating habits are just redic. I took two laxies but they haven't done much yet. Hopefully I'll clean out before bed and then that'll be that. I'd like to take more tomorrow but I've been having issues with my stomach again lately. They never really go away but they've been worse lately. The doctors are pretty sure I have Crohn's disease. My mom has it so I'm predisposed and I'm of the right age for it. I have an appointment at the clinic on the 22nd and I'm going to get a referral for a gastroenterologist. Ugh. Then later that same day I finally have a psych appointment. We'll see how that goes.

Part of why I've been so M.I.A. lately is my mother. She has legit been driving me insane. We fight every time I go home and she gets on me for every single thing. Makes me feel even worse about myself and my life, which I don't need any help doing. Last night and today she's been telling me if I'm going to continue like I have been I need to find a new place to live. She gets child support from my father every month and she refuses to spend any of it on things I actually need. That was the last big fight we had and the reason she very well might actually kick me out. I don't know where I'd go. I don't have a job and literally only have a dollar in my wallet. And that's the change from when my friend paid for my gas the other day. Because my mom doesn't think she's responsible for that either. I hope this doesn't make me sound like a spoiled brat. Honestly, it couldn't be farther from the truth.

I'm not eating anything until tomorrow afternoon. Later if I can manage it. I've filled myself with so much garbage lately it shouldn't even matter. My stomach is literally tied in knots right now. Thank you, gods of laxatives. I hope you all forgive me for my absence. I missed you :)

Eedee.