Wednesday, May 5, 2010


I know I've been gone forever. I've been having a really hard time with my life in general, plus the fact that my internet doesn't work at my house right now. I'm sitting in McDonalds because they have free wifi. Ate cereal this morning (because I have to eat when I take my Lexapro in the morning) so I'm not even tempted.

Points worth mentioning:

- I've been binging out of control because of my insane depression so I shot allllll the way back up to 120. Motherfucker. I'm back to 118 now but shit...I was so close. My mom told me I'm "finally starting to look healthy again". Yuck. I never looked anything less than healthy, so I know I was on my way back to blubbery. Hopefully I can keep myself under control and lose what I gained back and then some.
- My boyfriend broke up with me at 1AM on our 9 month anniversary four days ago. Therefore removing the last thing that meant anything from my life. We talk a tiny bit and I'm waiting to see if he'll take me back. He just couldn't handle all of my crazy. I obviously don't blame him...I just wish I was better for him.
- My psychiatrist upped my does of Lexapro from 10mg a day to 15mg. I have a feeling he's going to end up upping it again next time I see him. Been on it for nearly four weeks and I don't feel any different. I still get panic attacks, I can't even drive anymore, and the side effects have been kicking my ass. My body feels like it's plugged into a live wire for most of the day. That's not to say I have energy. I just feel like my insides are vibrating. I hate it. Plus nausea (I almost puked for the first time in neartly a year yesterday), dizziness, and a marked difference in my ability to orgasm for a week or so. TMI? :P

So those are the major things going on in my life right now. I'm trying to get the internet working in my house asap so hopefully I'll be back to updating regularly soon. Miss all you guys!