thirty.

Back to 118.5. Still huge but better than 120, I suppose. Took 4 laxies yesterday so that helped. I'm afraid I'm starting to rely on them. Like, I know I can pop a couple when I eat too much and it'll clean it out before it can stick to me. I'm kind of bothered by it, but at the same time I depend on it. I would have lost more if I didn't fucking eat so much yesterday. I honestly forget what I had earlier in the day (a first. I never forget a thing that goes into my mouth) but I ended it with way too much spaghetti and meat sauce last night. It was delish, but so not worth it. Ugh.

Today I had a small steak eaten cold before I went to the doctor. And I just had a Skinny Cow ice cream bar at 80cals. So I'm going to say between 380 and 400cals today. Because I don't know what cut or exactly how much steak there was. Or what kind of beef it was. Ugh. Leftovers will be the death of me. 400 isn't bad. I might have another ice cream bar later. I'm freaking starving.

In other news, I started therapy today. I'm glad to finally get that ball rolling. I'm seeing a psychiatrist in about two weeks to get a script for whatever they want me to take. The therapist said she wants to put me on antidepressants, which was completely expected. She questioned me about my weight loss, since I had to fill out forms with that shiz on it. I'm still fat enough that no one thinks there's anything wrong with me dieting. I disgust myself. Next time she wants to work on my negative thinking and self-image. Oh boy.

How's everyone else doing?

Eedee.