First off, I would like to say thank you to all my followers and the people who've been supporting me for the past few months I've been on here. I feel like you guys believe I can do this, even when I've lost all faith in myself. You mean more to me than you know :D
I'm 118 today. I'm sure some of it is from the awful bingefest yesterday, but I'm attributing a little bit of it to period bloat as well. Because it makes me feel better. I had three bowls of Special K this morning at like 11AM. I have to stop getting it. I love it to death, but I always eat way too much of it when I have it. In two days I ate the entire box. By myself. That is unacceptable. I suppose the good news is it's gone and I can't have any more even if I wanted it. It's been 8 hours since I had it and I'm not the least bit hungry. My mind is trying to convince me I want to eat something, but the only reason is I want to eat something yummy. And that's no reason to stuff my fat face with noms.
I've been trying to think of some way to regulate how I eat. Like, more than usual. And I think what I'm going to go with is the Rule of One. Anything I eat, I can only have one of. One bowl of cereal, one Lean Pocket, one scoop of frozen yogurt. Because I'm weak and gross and know I'll eat shit even when I don't want it and will hate myself later. One piece of pizza, one cookie, ONE FUCKING FROZEN ECLAIR. Fruits and veggies are exempt from this rule. As are eggs, but not toast. Toast can be evil. Obviously, I'm going to try to eat as little of this garbage as possible, but I realize I'm a weak, fat pig and will eat whatever my stupid mind tells me anyway. Ugh, even as I form it up in my mind I know I'm going to fail. My brain is so negative. My entire world is negative.
And now I'm fucking hungry. I wasn't before, but thinking of all this crap makes me want a damn Lean Pocket. I'll probably eat one whenever BF decides to make food for himself. I am so weak. I'm going to try and get some kind of fat blocker and/or metabolism booster once I get some money. Hopefully that's soon. God knows I need it. And BF and I might split the cost of a gym membership. Apparently you can get one for two people for a deal. Definitely interested.
Hope everyone's doing wonderfully. AKA better than me. Good luck, beauties.
Eedee.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Thinking about food makes me hungry too.. so i try lots of lovely distraction techniques! sleep is my favourite, if i can, and so is doing pointless things like moving the things on my shelves so they are perfectly arranged
ReplyDeletethe gym membership sounds like a nice idea :)
you will be thin soon, just keep fighting...
love sun-lit~ x
sleep is good. then gym. then computer apps or blogs. that's what i do to distract myself.
ReplyDeletejust to let you know, out of all the blogs i've read, i really connect to yours. i don't know why. but its all good.
thanx for the words earlier. i really needed it. i feel like no one hears me. i feel like no one cares. and my biggest fear is being alone with no one caring.
thank you. again.