forty-three.

First off, I was really touched by how concerned you guys were for me. I'm always had a bit of vertigo or whatever it is whenever I stand up too fast, so the tunnel vision and near-fainting isn't as bad as it may seem. Like I said, I'm prone to overreation. And to Jenn (do you not have a profile?), if your intent was to scare the living shit out of me, you certainly succeeded. Thanks for the info. I'm definitely going to up my calories a bit to try and be a little healthier.

So today I've ate more than usual to try and get my body to feel a little bit better. Here's what it looks like so far: (edited at 6:20PM)

Banana (3) - 321
Steak - 200
Clementine - 25
Skinny Cow ice cream bar - 80

Total so far: 626

It was a super small piece of steak, but I'm rounding up a bit to be safe. And I was searching online and found that bananas are 107cals for a medium size. Seems more reasonable than the 134 per cup I read in that book, so I'm going to go with that. And the clementine was literally only a tiny bit bigger than a big cherry. Smallest one I've ever seen, and I gave two sections to BF. I'm going to try to just eat a Lean Pocket later tonight so the total is around 750ish. Not as low as I'd like it, but Jenn really freaked me out. So I'm playing it kinda safer today. I took two laxies about half an hour ago anyway. Because honestly, I can't have all this crap just sitting in my stomach. I'll eat it to get the calories and nutrients and shit, but I want it gone by tomorrow. I know it's like cheating and probably offsets the effort I'm making to eat a bit more, but I don't care. I'm not ready to have that much sitting in my gut just yet.

So, I went bathing suit shopping today. I needed two suits and two pairs of shorts that actually fit. Left the mall with two bathing suits, three pairs of shorts, two pairs of pants, and two pairs of boots. Oh, and I'M A SIZE FUCKING FIVE! If it runs small, I need the 7 but for the most part I'm a size 5. Oh my god, dude! I'd forgotten what tight pants actually feel like after wearing my way-too-big size 9 "skinny" jeans for so long, haha. So that made my day. My month, actually. And I needed a small in the bathing suit bottoms. Partially because I have no butt but still! I can't remember the last time I coult fit into a small anything on bottom. Oh, I can't believe I didn't mention this earlier! But I forgot till now and can't find a logical place to put it in. I weighed 110.5 this morning! Even with the Lean Pocket I had three and a half hours or so before bed. I haven't been this light since I ran track in high school. Pretty soon I'll be a thin as I was in middle school, haha. Not to worry though. I think I'll know when to stop. Honestly, I just want the rest of the fat gone and for my muscles to develop a little bit. Then I can just maintain. I don't plan on weighing 80 pounds or anything. Just for clarification.

Oh, and my mom told me something that made me super happy earlier. I asked how much my sister weighs, since she's always been thinner than me (I attribute it to her being born premature and everything). She said she was 112-113 last time she knew. That means I am officially the skinniest person in my family! Ahh you guys don't even know how happy that made me.

Hope everyone's having a great day :D

Eedee.